How to Successfully Make 9th Step Amends

Another example is a substance or alcohol-addicted adult child who regularly steals money, jewelry, and other valuable items from their elderly parent’s home. However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways. They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent. One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die.

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While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends. Say, for example, you’re preparing to make amends https://ecosoberhouse.com/ to a former coworker, whom you once stole from to pay for drugs. In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole.

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Living amends is a certain type of amends you make in addiction recovery. Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that. When you make living amends, you make genuine changes to support your emotional and physical sobriety. In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most. Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living.

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• It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live.
• Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds.
• The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change.
• Scholarships are granted to those individuals who have completed an in-patient treatment and are looking to continue their recovery journey in sober living.
• It makes it hard to remember things that happened before or after.

You may not be able to rectify “everything” you’ve done to the other person, but you can repair specific wrongs. Living amends is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery. With this option, the individual in recovery takes steps to improve their relationships and demonstrate their lifestyle change. They may visit family members and friends more often, set aside time to spend with their partner or donate their time to a worthy cause. It’s possible that the other person is unaware of the harm you have caused them, and making direct amends would make them aware and hurt them badly. Before and after making amends, it’s important to remember why we’re doing it in the first place.

How Will Making Amends Help My Recovery?

Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing. Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done. We go back to a moment in time and we fixate on the things we wish we had done differently. It makes it hard to remember things that happened before or after. We blame ourselves for certain things that happened – sometimes rightfully, and sometimes not. With all those articles (that you should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say.

• For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word.
• Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them.
• All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make!
• We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong.

Turns out, I was a bossy control freak who was terrified of everything. I had all the answers, and I shared them with everyone. When they didn’t follow my advice, I let them know – repeatedly. When they had the nerve to do things their own way, I reminded them that I living amends had first suggested a better plan. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough.

• But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward.
• Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s.
• And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all.
• A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time.
• A qualified behavioral therapist can help you identify the areas of your life that need attention.
• Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently.
• Another instance where making direct amends may not be a good idea is if admitting your wrongs could jeopardize your freedom, which could hurt your loved ones.

• The amends I made to her was admitting my wrongs and shortcomings due to my addiction.
• We likely promised to sober up in the past, only to revert to alcohol abuse or another drug of choice.
• Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they’d harmed while living in addiction.
• Living amends bridges the gap between living in shame and regret and finding forgiveness.

After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible. Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed. Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process of making amends. One of the best ways you can make long-lasting changes to your relationships is by being true to your word. Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make.